My mother died unexpectedly

Recently I started a new job at a new place. The very first day was super exciting and in the evening my brain was still organising the new data when I suddenly got a phone call. The police officer was telling me – my mother died unexpectedly.

No more possibilities to have a conversation, a phone call or even a quarrel. Now people are different. Some have a good relation to their parents, some have various variations of it. In my case – it was difficult. With the simplified model we have of the world, we say things like “my mom never really understood me”. In other words – the relationship was problematic. This is the moment, when relativity totally kicks in. Time stretches like a rubber band and your whole world stops for a second. She. Is. Dead.

With the years we gain knowledge and hopefully also some wisdom. In my younger years, I would have said: me vs. problem vs. mom.

my mother died unexpectedly

These days I know it was: me and mom vs. problem.

We stood on the same side together and the problem was shouting at us like the echo of history. Yes, we can get angry and complain “but why did she not do this or that and why did she not love me more?”

When my mother died unexpectedly, I finally understood, she already did the best she could.

Born in 1941, when people thought we can solve problems using weapons, her relation to her mother was difficult, too. Something is chained or conditioned here – imprinted in genetics and such nifty inventions of nature. Rarely I have seen her in a care-free mood. Relations in general were difficult for her and keeping the house tidy was not one of her super powers. Growing up with an “astronaut dad” made things even worse. It’s when you know you have a dad but you rarely or close to never see him. It was very complicated. It took me years actually decades to find out, why she never really had an interest to keep the house, especially her rooms tidy. One day she mentioned, that she grew up in a huge house with many rooms, some where rented to students, workers and maids. She was very talented in art and architecture.

It was one of her super powers to create fine rooms and interior design.

Each time she renovated her room to level “super-lovely” her mom (my grandma) came and said something like “this room looks very good, we can rent it now” and gave my mom another old, dusty and boring room. My insight was, maybe she stopped making her surrounding looking great, so nobody will come along and throw her out of her lovely place.

In her later years, it was obvious that she got mentally ill – diagnosis compulsive hoarding. After many years trying to help her, I finally gave up and asked for professional support from the city council. Things got silent and I had high hopes the situation finally gets into a good direction. Since communication was a real challenge, I did not hear much from her recently. After she passed away, I found out, officials did not see any need to help her. Summary: for weeks, we have been cleaning the house. So sad. In the past months, when I told people my mother died unexpectedly, I got mainly two reactions:

“That is so sad. I am really sorry” or just – nothing.

People.

Sure you can get mad about a nothing-happened-reaction but remember: it’s just the best some people have. They are simply not prepared for death. Jorge Bucay wrote an excellent book called “The road of tears” it’s my go-to book for any situation causing grief. It’s not only about death, more about loss in general.

Finally make peace with your parents. Let go anger, grief and sorrow. Such feelings cost you so much energy with no return of “investment”. Mom and dad did the best they could – and I am very aware of little humans having nightmares in their childhood. Very.

Hopefully the fact that my mother died unexpectedly, creates also something good for us all:

  • Live consciously.
  • Use your time wisely.
  • Clear the vibes.

If you can’t talk to you parents anymore in person, you still can take responsibility for yourself – meditation helps. Rest in peace, mom. Om shanti – namaste.

Lessons learned 2018 – life beyond clouds

Lessons learned in 2018

2018 was a special year.

Einstein knew that time and space are relative. Some years have more impact on your life than others. For me, 2018 was very special. Why? Well, I am writing this on the last day of 2018 and it seems to me, the lessons learned 2018 were like three years compressed into a single one. So many things happened, so many changes, so much stuff to learn — stunned.

  • Health: thanks to my personal trainer I really managed to show up in the gym frequently — 5,87 a month.
  • Work: after a long journey from a monastery to cardiac irregularities, I came to the conclusion, some grass does not get greener — even if you paint it.
  • Friends: hey, they are still the foundation of everyday life, even if you don’t see them on a daily basis. Thank you!
  • Human beings: even though I know, that everybody is a supporter for you, I got an extra lesson this year. Some people really manage to hide a professional confused soul in a beautiful shell. And some still do not understand the principles of Karma — or whatever you call it.
  • Wisdom: I did not know, how extremely lovely it is, to stand above the clouds, have a drink and see the sun dive into the clouds. What a sunset. Wow.
  • Inspiration: best keynote I have seen in 2018 was by Christian Wehner. Thanks man!
  • Books: best books I have read in 2018 are from Noah Yuval Harari. Thank you!
  • Movie: best movie I have watched in 2018 is Ready Player One. What a ride 😀
  • Social Media: thanks to Jaron Lanier, I did finally quit most of it and actually focus more on shit that really matters. Merci, Jaron – I owe you some beers!

My lessons learned 2018

The shortest distance between two points might be a straight line. Which is basically 1D — one dimension. Flat. And so is the knowledge you gain. But life is so much more than endless scrolling and tapping on a heartless device. Read more books. Start more real life conversations. Make mistakes. Learn. Help your friends. Surprise people with random acts of kindness. Surprise your-self, eg. make a trip to India. Namaste!

SleepyOne Ayurveda Beach Resort Day 2

 SleepyOne Ayurveda Beach Resort Day 2 picture by Chris Remspecher in 2016.SleepyOne Ayurveda Beach Resort, Day #2.

A frog attacked me! Guess I was in his way. Before you ask, no I did not kiss him to check if he is a prince. For me it was the other way round. His wet touch woke me up from unnecessary lost in thinking. The cosmos has some creative ways to get you back into the NOW.
Lots of trucks in India have a sign at their back “use horn” or so. In Germany it would be impolite to use your car horn unless it”™s an emergency. In India it”™s more the “please wake me up” kinda character. So everybody is using their horns, trucks, busses, cars, bikes(-motor) and tuk-tuks. It”™s like a symphony of NOW.

Which brings us directly to the question: how many sorts of basil do you know?

Today I got to taste 3 different sorts of many more. It made me feel stupid and ignorant knowing only one. Is it important to know more than one? Maybe not, but for me, it was a clear sign, I am too happy in my comfort zone. There are sooo many herbs and awesome medical plants in an Ayurveda herbal garden – it”™s a shame I only knew maybe 0.5% ”¦

The good thing about it is, these days we are only limited by our choices.

To learn more about something, at least the start is only one click away. Brings us back to the topic, how do we make choices? Kiss or cook the frog? Let”™s see what is the recipe of me. A colourful mixture of DNA puzzled around the world via my parents, grand-parents, my grand-grand parents, their parents and their grand-grand-grand parents”¦ in short from various jumping or crawling beings on this planet. I still like the idea, that some of my atoms in my heart once belonged to a dinosaur.

Happy, or not-so-happy, conditioning happens via family, friends and skool. Teachers, professors, your worst enemy at school, and of course – the facility manager! Our brain compiles that code on a daily basis, with none or only rare adjustments.

Me, version v.2.1 started working or “welcome to the sharks!”. Missed your teachers or professors? No worries, you get colleagues and bosses to teach you more about YOU.

Years back I was lucky enough to attend a buddhists teaching. The summary was everybody is your supporter!”. Did sound great until meeting my boss on the next Monday. Don”™t worry – it took me SOME years to fully understand this. I know there are extreme cases, e.g. car accidents, murder, child abuse ”¦ ”¦ and again, I am lucky to know a few splendid humans with a horrible past. Some of the greatest flowers stick out their head through mud.

So decisions, decisions but how?

DNA ME family goals

The question here is: are your goals your goals? Or do you think they are yours but instead you are just fulfilling the ones of your DNA and family?

Recently I asked a student, “how can you be sure?”. He was pondering for quite some time until he came up with a very clever answer: “Well, it looks like I only know the goals of my family and society so far!” Hopefully his girlfriend won”™t kill me one day, when she finds out, I kicked him out of his comfort zone. At least for a while”¦

Another day in paradise or why life is so lovely

Another day in paradise picture for the blog post by Chris Remspecher in 2016.Another day in paradise or why life is so lovely

Not everyday feels like another day in paradise. Some start weird, tired, sad or a mixture of all. Recently a workmate died very unexpectedly and way too early. Most of us were shocked, sad or just did not want to believe it.

Right now, it”™s just like he is still on holidays.

Yesterday was his funeral. It was sunny, hot and a bit windy. If you wear a black suit with a tie while standing in the direct sunlight, it”™s like waiting for the overheating alert on your mobile phone. My brain was about to complain not being within acceptable operating temperatures, but thankfully the ZEN switch kicked in and suddenly I was very happy to be alive!

Life is so lovely outside your comfort zone!

Why do we (I) need funerals or serious illnesses to really understand that each day is another day in paradise? When you wake up tired or feel totally like a sleepy one, there are at least two options:

  • hating the day, work, life and every mosquito on the planet
  • modeling a micro grin and being thankful for another day in paradise

Do you remember how many training lessons your brain needed to keep you in balance on a bicycle? Our brain needs our help for a better morning routine! Some ideas of a better foundation for your day:

  1. realize you are awake, breathe in and out, smile
  2. stand up (slowly) and drink a glass of (warm) water
  3. do a short meditation for 1-2 minutes
  4. eat something light like an oatmeal with an apple
  5. surprise somebody with a special smile 🙂

At the end of the day, or your life, all those little things changed us. A smile, a motivating ”žwe will make it!“ or a friendly ”žgood morning“. Thank you!

Work Life Balance in 2016

work life balance in 2016 picture by Chris Remspecher in 2015.How is your work life balance in 2016 so far? Yes, we all have plans, but sometimes it seems, that God just laughs about them.

An emergency surgery was not in my plans for 2016! Total reset of my work life balance.

If you love your job (or not), it happens that you are going to work overtime. What starts in homeopathic doses can quickly end up in a supersize meal. To commute daily between home and work burns out additional time. Maybe you know the feeling:

There is never enough time.

In our work life balance pie, the percentage share of work is continuously growing. We trick our brain in thinking that everything is still fine. Hey, it’s still a full pie! While the shareholder value of life is invisibly shrinking, balance is silently fading into the background.
When there is not enough time, we start to postpone things: Meetings with friends and family, our hobbies, dreams and health. Food is just something on the sidetrack, time for cooking is rare and meditation is pure luxury. At some point, the cosmos (or the empire) strikes back.

To be under general anesthetic is like somebody pushed the reset button. While sliding back into your very own reality, I bet you are not immediately pondering about work related problems. A fluffy void embraces you. Painkiller pancake peace.
Being out of balance inevitably attracts stress which sooner or later leads to pain. No, not the French baguette! The real one, like something is tearing you apart, physically or mentally. That’s the moment for baseball:

Balance is the bat, work the ball and life is your home run.

Below are notes I have taken for my work life balance in the fluffy void.

More heart:

  • To oneself.
  • Personal.
  • Job wise.

Wait less, do:

  • Fulfill dreams yourself. Do not wait for somebody who MAYBE will satisfy yours.
  • Communicate your ideas.
  • Share your opinion in shorter intervals. If they like it or not.
  1. Love.
  2. Live.
  3. Work.

Hamsters do love their wheels and that’s OK. Work life balance is not something you can buy in a shopping mall or book in a travel agency. Finding your personal work life balance is work (ha!), but finally it’s an investment in your most important shareholder: your life.

 

Lessons learned in 2015

Lessons learned in 2015 wallpaper by Chris Remspecher.My lessons learned in 2015 look like this:

  1. The impossible is possible.
  2. Death is a daily feature of life.
  3. Staying fit needs time.
  4. Money shows character.
  5. Friends.

Lessons learned in 2015 explained:

One: the impossible is possible. Trust your intuition, listen what people really say (or NOT say), help them to achieve their goals, lead, live and do what you say. Oh, and if you make a mistake, admit it – people will understand and help you.

Two: death is all around us. And that’s ok. I still turn my hourglass twice a day to remind myself to use my time wisely.

Three: having a gym-membership does not automatically keep you fit. Plan your health-schedule like priority 1 meetings. And find somebody to kick your a$$.

Four: some people are so nice. They smile and give you hugs. Then life throws money on the table and suddenly they transform to Gollum “My precious!”.

Five: Friends. You can’t buy friends. And they are not for free. Be a friend and if you have a handful true friends, you are a lucky one.

May 2016 be full of ZEN for you. Namaste.

Desktop wallpaper for lessons learned in 2015 is 2048 x 1365 px. Parallax iPhone wallpaper please find below. Make sure to click the pix until they are full-size, then save on your device. Hope they are useful for you.

Lessons learned in 2015. Picture and text by Chris Remspecher.

How to make Ginger Tea

How to make Ginger Tea with a garlic press. Pictures by Chris Remspecher in 2015.

How to make Ginger Tea with a garlic press!?

During the transition from winter to spring, your body is under a lot of stress. Late christmas snow in April, the sun hides behind the moon (or clouds) and your work mates cough and sniff all the time. Why not help it with a fine ginger medicinal tea?

Since Paula asked me over at Instagram, here’s how to make ginger tea, ZEN style: cut, peel (with a spoon!), chop little pieces, squeeze. Pour boiled water into a (big) cup, feel fancy to add honey, a little bourbon vanilla and coconut milk. Et voilà!

Speed of Light

Speed of Light picture taken by Chris Remspecher in 2014.Speed of Light

The speed of light is, well, fast. And then again, it still can be way too slow, when you are stuck in the dark.

Recently several people told me, they feel like they wasted too much time or they live in slow motion for years now. What happens when you come from the light into a dark room? It’s dark. Would it be intelligent to immediately run around? Maybe not.

So you stand still. Look around, give your eyes and your-self some time to adjust. Then move. Sometimes, a tiny light is already enough to give you a rough direction. More than often, you meet friendly beings who join your journey at the speed of light. Hey, it’s gonna be alright!

 

The Keymaker of Pont des Arts

Picture for "The Keymaker of Pont des Arts" by Chris Remspecher in 2014.The Keymaker of Pont des Arts

What do all the love locks at Pont des Arts and a Tibetan sand mandala have in common? They both disappear very soon. Just a few weeks back a railing finally collapsed under the weight of thousands of love locks.

While I took some pictures at Pont des Arts, an old gentleman was passing by. Let us call him, Claus. Claus did cross the bridge in a slow, but efficient speed. He did not have to stop, because of all the tourist like some fast sportive runners had to. Reminds me of the Tibetan saying:

”žSometimes you have to walk slower to reach your goal faster.“

Did he think about the narrow-mindedness of the humans species trying to grab a glimpse of infinity? Or did he wonder about those coming back and searching the traces of the past, checking if their love (lock) is still there”¦Â Some say

”žall wisdom is useless without work. And work is senseless without love“.

Can we carry any load?
Maybe Claus is the Keymaker of Pont des Arts. Sure, all the heart locks attract Photoshop lovers from around the world, too. Can a piece of rusting, heavy-metal be something like a promise?

”žIf I”™m knocking on heavens door, do I have to unlock all these locks?“

Again, the problem with external, material symbols is: they soon fade away. You might be quite happily while you are at Pont des Arts and kinda locked down your love (”¦) via a love lock. You jump for joy and think ”žI”™m glad my key is in my pocket“! Years later you come back searching your love (lock) and be like ”žOh god!! Where is mine??“

Claus has been crossing the Pont des Arts already for decades. He knows a lot about the burden of locks, love and liberty. After all those years, he knows the perfect place for a love lock and its key: a loving heart and a smile.

A big Merci! goes to: Eu Genie, Leon H., Roman Tiker, Gisela H., Nicole M., Simon S., Steven K., Gwenette S., Uwe S., lesewunder, supercalifragelistik, insidemyorbit, hexepimmie and diamor3.

Travelling to Paris

Picture for Travelling to Paris by Chris Remspecher in 2014.What happens if you are travelling to Paris?

1. You leave your comfort zone.
Yes, my couch loves and understands me too. But your sofa will not kick you up the Montmartre to the most loveliest view over Paris.

2. You have to move your butt.
When you made it up to the top at Sacre Coeur, you will most probably miss your couch already”¦ but(t) remember(s), that our body was made for exploring, walking around, dancing , or running in the rain!

3. You have to adapt to unforeseen situations.
The sign might clearly tell you, the train will leave from the left track, but there”™s already a train to the right of the platform. In Germany, we would expect the train to leave precisely from the left side. In France it”™s possible that, for no understandable reason, the train on the left, today, leaves from the right side. Open your mind”¦ 😉

4. You might see things you don”™t like.
In the area of the 18th arrondissement and generally in Paris, you might see homeless, beggars, guys who want to give you stuff for ”žfree“ (never-ever take something in your hand, unless you really want to buy it) and others might sell you ”žtop-new“ mobile phones. Without a receipt for sure. If you feel like you want to help, focus and do it in an organized way, for example via mycharitywater. And from the ZEN side, it might sound harsh but it”™s not your business.

5. You might see things that make you smile bright.
You can”™t plan or buy to meet a very old French couple in the streets of Montmartre giving you tips and insider info you”™ll find nowhere else. Unforgettable are their smiles when you *listen* to them and just be thankful and give them a smile and a ”žMerci!“ for goodbye.

6. You could visit friends or find new ones.
Life is a journey. It”™s up to you, who you let go or keep by your side. Yes, you can travel all alone, but it”™s more fun to make another face smile and have enlightening conversations along the way 🙂 In my case: merci, Klaus! Hope to meet you soon again – here or there”¦

7. You might find inner peace.
I”™m writing this on the TGV on my way back home. You never get again, again this life. Traveling can help you to re-evaluate your life from a distance. Are all those things you have to do really that important to you, really? Even the shortest trip, 1-2 days, can bring you back on the right (or left) track.

Happy travelling to Paris!