My mother died unexpectedly

Recently I started a new job at a new place. The very first day was super exciting and in the evening my brain was still organising the new data when I suddenly got a phone call. The police officer was telling me – my mother died unexpectedly.

No more possibilities to have a conversation, a phone call or even a quarrel. Now people are different. Some have a good relation to their parents, some have various variations of it. In my case – it was difficult. With the simplified model we have of the world, we say things like “my mom never really understood me”. In other words – the relationship was problematic. This is the moment, when relativity totally kicks in. Time stretches like a rubber band and your whole world stops for a second. She. Is. Dead.

With the years we gain knowledge and hopefully also some wisdom. In my younger years, I would have said: me vs. problem vs. mom.

my mother died unexpectedly

These days I know it was: me and mom vs. problem.

We stood on the same side together and the problem was shouting at us like the echo of history. Yes, we can get angry and complain “but why did she not do this or that and why did she not love me more?”

When my mother died unexpectedly, I finally understood, she already did the best she could.

Born in 1941, when people thought we can solve problems using weapons, her relation to her mother was difficult, too. Something is chained or conditioned here – imprinted in genetics and such nifty inventions of nature. Rarely I have seen her in a care-free mood. Relations in general were difficult for her and keeping the house tidy was not one of her super powers. Growing up with an “astronaut dad” made things even worse. It’s when you know you have a dad but you rarely or close to never see him. It was very complicated. It took me years actually decades to find out, why she never really had an interest to keep the house, especially her rooms tidy. One day she mentioned, that she grew up in a huge house with many rooms, some where rented to students, workers and maids. She was very talented in art and architecture.

It was one of her super powers to create fine rooms and interior design.

Each time she renovated her room to level “super-lovely” her mom (my grandma) came and said something like “this room looks very good, we can rent it now” and gave my mom another old, dusty and boring room. My insight was, maybe she stopped making her surrounding looking great, so nobody will come along and throw her out of her lovely place.

In her later years, it was obvious that she got mentally ill – diagnosis compulsive hoarding. After many years trying to help her, I finally gave up and asked for professional support from the city council. Things got silent and I had high hopes the situation finally gets into a good direction. Since communication was a real challenge, I did not hear much from her recently. After she passed away, I found out, officials did not see any need to help her. Summary: for weeks, we have been cleaning the house. So sad. In the past months, when I told people my mother died unexpectedly, I got mainly two reactions:

“That is so sad. I am really sorry” or just – nothing.

People.

Sure you can get mad about a nothing-happened-reaction but remember: it’s just the best some people have. They are simply not prepared for death. Jorge Bucay wrote an excellent book called “The road of tears” it’s my go-to book for any situation causing grief. It’s not only about death, more about loss in general.

Finally make peace with your parents. Let go anger, grief and sorrow. Such feelings cost you so much energy with no return of “investment”. Mom and dad did the best they could – and I am very aware of little humans having nightmares in their childhood. Very.

Hopefully the fact that my mother died unexpectedly, creates also something good for us all:

  • Live consciously.
  • Use your time wisely.
  • Clear the vibes.

If you can’t talk to you parents anymore in person, you still can take responsibility for yourself – meditation helps. Rest in peace, mom. Om shanti – namaste.

Lessons learned in 2016

Lessons learned in 2016 by Chris Remspecher.

Lessons learned in 2016

My personal keyword for 2016 is: health. So essential and yet so overlooked, underestimated and out of focus in our busy lives. We take it for granted, most times we take little responsibility but feel huge anger when our body gives us signals. How did my Ayurveda chief doctor in India say ”žour bodies are wonderful machines“. Again, all starts with the monkeys in our head.

”žYou are what you think.“ Buddha, Ghandi, your brain, any TV, ”¦

What”™s going on inside your head? Are you the BOSS of your neurons? How do you sleep? Some say, we are all connected. If we talk about the internet, nobody would disagree. And then again, is your consciousness connected to your body signals? Do you notice them AND do you take action according to them?

Maybe you like to work a lot to feel needed. Your body is your greatest supporter and delivers more for less over a real long period. A day filled with 8 hours of work, or 9, 10, well, more is possible, too. At one point, you feel out of balance but that’s a relative feeling. There are a lot of tricky things to make you feel ”žback in the game“. They even work for a little while and your body keeps sending you signals. Off course, you can also ignore the red flashing low fuel sign in your car. Finally, your body will tell you when it needs your immediate attention and pulls in the hard brakes. You know it: ”žoh hello sickness“ or if you are on the professional level ”žoh hello hospital“.

Do we learn from it? Hopefully. For a little while in the aftershock we are super sensible, cautious, enlightened and eat super healthy, treat our body first class, pray and what else is needed to get it back on track. And then, laziness strikes back. No signals, no attention, bring on the champagne and potato chips!

In the last few years, I seen too many good people die way too early. Life is short. And just recently I had to disagree with my best friend in London about ”ževerything is under control“. Nothing is under control. Think about it. We don”™t even know if our galaxy is inside a dream of a squirrel and thats the real reason why the world is going nuts these days!

My lessons learned in 2016?

  • Life is short.
  • Your health is your wealth.
  • Life is a journey, only travel with those, who will catch you in case you fall.
  • Your brain is your world: shit in, shit out.
  • You can”™t buy happiness. Yeah, no real news.
  • Ayurveda is kick-ass science!

If I have useless suggestions for 2017?

  • Get your brain in order. Train it, own it. Re-write your code. Meditate. You create your world.
  • Be crazy. Intelligent. Love your-self.
  • Let all energy suckers go. Yes Steph, also you!
  • No need to save the world. Save your own ass and drag some others with you.
  • Travel. Life is a journey. If physical not possible for you, feed your brain with new nuts.
  • SMILE! 😊

Hope this is somehow useful for you. And thank you to all those lovely souls worldwide who kick my ass to write more on my blog. Bizous!

Namaste Chris

Another day in paradise or why life is so lovely

Another day in paradise picture for the blog post by Chris Remspecher in 2016.Another day in paradise or why life is so lovely

Not everyday feels like another day in paradise. Some start weird, tired, sad or a mixture of all. Recently a workmate died very unexpectedly and way too early. Most of us were shocked, sad or just did not want to believe it.

Right now, it”™s just like he is still on holidays.

Yesterday was his funeral. It was sunny, hot and a bit windy. If you wear a black suit with a tie while standing in the direct sunlight, it”™s like waiting for the overheating alert on your mobile phone. My brain was about to complain not being within acceptable operating temperatures, but thankfully the ZEN switch kicked in and suddenly I was very happy to be alive!

Life is so lovely outside your comfort zone!

Why do we (I) need funerals or serious illnesses to really understand that each day is another day in paradise? When you wake up tired or feel totally like a sleepy one, there are at least two options:

  • hating the day, work, life and every mosquito on the planet
  • modeling a micro grin and being thankful for another day in paradise

Do you remember how many training lessons your brain needed to keep you in balance on a bicycle? Our brain needs our help for a better morning routine! Some ideas of a better foundation for your day:

  1. realize you are awake, breathe in and out, smile
  2. stand up (slowly) and drink a glass of (warm) water
  3. do a short meditation for 1-2 minutes
  4. eat something light like an oatmeal with an apple
  5. surprise somebody with a special smile 🙂

At the end of the day, or your life, all those little things changed us. A smile, a motivating ”žwe will make it!“ or a friendly ”žgood morning“. Thank you!

Lessons learned in 2015

Lessons learned in 2015 wallpaper by Chris Remspecher.My lessons learned in 2015 look like this:

  1. The impossible is possible.
  2. Death is a daily feature of life.
  3. Staying fit needs time.
  4. Money shows character.
  5. Friends.

Lessons learned in 2015 explained:

One: the impossible is possible. Trust your intuition, listen what people really say (or NOT say), help them to achieve their goals, lead, live and do what you say. Oh, and if you make a mistake, admit it – people will understand and help you.

Two: death is all around us. And that’s ok. I still turn my hourglass twice a day to remind myself to use my time wisely.

Three: having a gym-membership does not automatically keep you fit. Plan your health-schedule like priority 1 meetings. And find somebody to kick your a$$.

Four: some people are so nice. They smile and give you hugs. Then life throws money on the table and suddenly they transform to Gollum “My precious!”.

Five: Friends. You can’t buy friends. And they are not for free. Be a friend and if you have a handful true friends, you are a lucky one.

May 2016 be full of ZEN for you. Namaste.

Desktop wallpaper for lessons learned in 2015 is 2048 x 1365 px. Parallax iPhone wallpaper please find below. Make sure to click the pix until they are full-size, then save on your device. Hope they are useful for you.

Lessons learned in 2015. Picture and text by Chris Remspecher.

Speed of Light

Speed of Light picture taken by Chris Remspecher in 2014.Speed of Light

The speed of light is, well, fast. And then again, it still can be way too slow, when you are stuck in the dark.

Recently several people told me, they feel like they wasted too much time or they live in slow motion for years now. What happens when you come from the light into a dark room? It’s dark. Would it be intelligent to immediately run around? Maybe not.

So you stand still. Look around, give your eyes and your-self some time to adjust. Then move. Sometimes, a tiny light is already enough to give you a rough direction. More than often, you meet friendly beings who join your journey at the speed of light. Hey, it’s gonna be alright!

 

The Keymaker of Pont des Arts

Picture for "The Keymaker of Pont des Arts" by Chris Remspecher in 2014.The Keymaker of Pont des Arts

What do all the love locks at Pont des Arts and a Tibetan sand mandala have in common? They both disappear very soon. Just a few weeks back a railing finally collapsed under the weight of thousands of love locks.

While I took some pictures at Pont des Arts, an old gentleman was passing by. Let us call him, Claus. Claus did cross the bridge in a slow, but efficient speed. He did not have to stop, because of all the tourist like some fast sportive runners had to. Reminds me of the Tibetan saying:

”žSometimes you have to walk slower to reach your goal faster.“

Did he think about the narrow-mindedness of the humans species trying to grab a glimpse of infinity? Or did he wonder about those coming back and searching the traces of the past, checking if their love (lock) is still there”¦Â Some say

”žall wisdom is useless without work. And work is senseless without love“.

Can we carry any load?
Maybe Claus is the Keymaker of Pont des Arts. Sure, all the heart locks attract Photoshop lovers from around the world, too. Can a piece of rusting, heavy-metal be something like a promise?

”žIf I”™m knocking on heavens door, do I have to unlock all these locks?“

Again, the problem with external, material symbols is: they soon fade away. You might be quite happily while you are at Pont des Arts and kinda locked down your love (”¦) via a love lock. You jump for joy and think ”žI”™m glad my key is in my pocket“! Years later you come back searching your love (lock) and be like ”žOh god!! Where is mine??“

Claus has been crossing the Pont des Arts already for decades. He knows a lot about the burden of locks, love and liberty. After all those years, he knows the perfect place for a love lock and its key: a loving heart and a smile.

A big Merci! goes to: Eu Genie, Leon H., Roman Tiker, Gisela H., Nicole M., Simon S., Steven K., Gwenette S., Uwe S., lesewunder, supercalifragelistik, insidemyorbit, hexepimmie and diamor3.

Lessons learned in 2013

Picture for lessons learned in 2013. Picture and blog post by Chris Remspecher in 2013.Wow, here we go! Hello 2014, thank you 2013 – what a ride.

So what were the lessons learned in 2013?

  • Relax or die trying.
  • Focus or get lost.
  • Smile, even when no one is watching.
  • Calm your mind or monkeys will be your boss.
  • Hug a friend. And then do it again. Repeat.

Since I lose track of my own lessons learned in 2013 from time to time, I made a desktop wallpaper for you and me. Download the picture in full size (2048 x 1365 px) if you like. I hope it is useful for you, too. Namaste 🙂

Lessons learned in 2013, iPhone iOS7 parallax wallpaper by Chris Remspecher in 2014.

/edit: By public (an my own) request, I made an iPhone iOS7 parallax wallpaper. Yes, looks great on Android, too 😉 Click it for full size and download it for your daily reminder..

So She Died

Lost tree picture by Chris Remspecher in 2012.So She Died.

About a year ago I wrote about ”žyour problems“. It’s been a year with many ups and downs. And a few weeks back, she died at the age of 34. One of her last sentences was “Please,  don”™t forget me”.

Every time some buddy (somebody…) you know checks out unexpectedly, you have another chance to reflect about your own life:

“The past is gone, the future is uncertain. What do you do with your remaining time?” Buddhist saying

At that time she died, my life was very busy and I had to postpone my reflections about her early check-out. One thing though, was very clear to me: I wanted to buy a hourglass to constantly remind me of the floating nature of time. And to make sure I really get one, I told several good people about it. Jen from Moscow told me, she even has one which works upside down, what is really ZEN to me for various reasons.

Time flies and 7 weeks later, I still haven’t bought a sand glass. Sounds like a mission for karma: first day at work in my new position, sitting at my desk, looking around and there it is. A hourglass, with red “sand”, floating from bottom to top. Me being speechless, staring at it, my colleague tells me: “Oh, somebody brought it as a promotional gift.” Clever cosmos…

What lessons did I learn so far:

  • We waste way too much time on low priority topics in our lives.
  • We complain way too much about things we don”™t even remember after 3-4 weeks.
  • We often act like we have an infinite amount of time left in our lives.

Be kind. Use your time wisely. Smile.

Best friends with your mind

Picture of Lama Kelzang.Lucky me, just yesterday I could attend a teaching by Lama Kelzang. “How to train your mind?” and “How to get a good friendship with the mind?” were his initial questions. According to Lama Kelzang, our mind is funny or even interesting. It”™s like a camera, it takes many pictures. Maybe, it”™s even like a CCTV, always active on a subtle level, even in our sleep.

If our mind takes nice pictures, we are in peace. If our mind is overloaded we get crazy and suffer. Craziness or harmony, peace or bullshit; it”™s the mind which picks between suicide or Buddha.

How can we be more stabilized? How do we become best friends with our mind? First, it”™s about compassion. Second, we need wisdom. When we are more balanced, we transform ourselves in a more relaxed person. So how do we get there?

Through formal and informal meditation, we give a full education to our mind. Yes, there are many methods. Think of a potato. You can cook it, make French fries, salad or chips from it. But at the end, it”™s a potato. When you are more relaxed, you have more compassion with you, your surroundings and even with your sickness. Oh and don”™t smile, when you don”™t feel like it!

Compassion is no theory. Remember: “Anger is really painful!” If you transform your angry mind, which is most probably full of fears, into compassion, something can change. “This anger is really important for me right now!” Sounds strange? Maybe, but this can also be a starting point for your journey of compassion, your very own compassion project.

Imagine yourself like a network hub of compassion. The more you open, the more you can send out. “When you are stronger, your lines get stronger!” When we suffer, everybody else suffers; our partner, our friends and family. How can we recharge our compassion battery?

“How many people work for one potato to get it on your plate?” Everybody is contributing a lot. Think like; everybody wants to support you! Everybody? What do you do with the person who throws bad words at you? Ask yourself: what”™s my weak point?

If you manage to remove the borders around you, the more you become like at home. And you relax, when you are home.

Compassion alone is already a fine thing. If you team it up with wisdom, you rock! With wisdom, you have compassion at the right moment which is very effective. “Wisdom we need. And clarity.” Remember: everybody wants to benefit to you. So how do we apply wisdom?

“No judgment, no expectations, no conception.”

Remember the shouting person? After the loud acoustic waves did hit you, go into your room, sit down, relax and say “wow”. Hint from Lama Kelzang; if you can”™t go into “your room”, e.g. at work, go to the toilet and lock the door. Wisdom is knowing clearly. If you are right into an emotional discussion, it”™s very hard to say, who is right or wrong. Remember: “Only you go with YOUR ideas.” Try to give up anything and just see what is happening (at least for a moment).

Here”™s a tiny summary, how to rest your mind:

  • Compassion: Everybody is a supporter for you.
  • Wisdom: Don”™t take them for too real.
  • Network: nothing is separate from me. It”™s a connected network.

“When it”™s all so easy, why do we do it wrong all the time?” The answer is: Habit. Meditation on the one side and everyday life on the other side have to come together. We fail, that”™s normal. If we start with 1% meditation in our everyday life and slowly increase it to 2, 3, 4, 5% – we experience more peace and more harmony. Nobody can steal it!

Why are there so many meditation techniques?” Having only one meditation technique would make us crazy. Imagine: one doctor would have the same patient for 10 hours a day. Crazy! Finally, become a deeper explorer. If meditation techniques 1, 2, 3, 4 did not work, go out and get some fresh air!

Thanks Lama Kelzang. Namaste!

Body Speech Mind

Body-Speech-Mind balance in Lerab Ling.

Picture for the blog post, body speech mind, by Chris Remspecher.Recently I was lucky to attend a teaching about body speech mind by Khenpo Tsündu Tarching. Here”™s my tiny summary for you:

“Is everybody in good health? Yes? Good. Because no health, not good for anybody.”

We are tired after a five minutes”™ walk. We have become so lazy. We do this and that and waste so much time. Remember, you never get again, again this life. What”™s right or wrong ”“ you decide. Engage with your body speech mind.

Always watch yourself: who am I?

Our true nature of mind is full of wisdom. Disturbing emotions always lead to trouble.

Tsündu Tarching”™s opinion is “the more religions, the more benefits”. On the bright side, it leads to more communication about religion, on the dark side, it creates human suffering. Try to remove bad thoughts; they will poison every action from the start of your bad intention until your final action.

“All mistakes come from misunderstandings.” Khenpo Tsündu Tarching

“So what is Buddhism” somebody asked. His answer: “It”™s a way of life, a message, a description of phenomena.”

And remember: whatever you are looking for, it”™s only for this life!

Namaste